2020-05-13 - To Cut Ones Nose Off To Spite Ones Face


Fomorian horses are not fun - Spider-Man decides to try anyway

Log Info:

Storyteller: None
Date: Wed May 13 23:09:52 2020
Location: Central Park Location 2

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Theme Song



Not twenty minutes ago, the alarms at WAND and SHIELD went off, advising of an interdimensional breach. The groups were scrambled and sent on their way - some by portal and others by more … traditional means - like Quinjet.

It's your usual afternoon in Central Park. The sun is shining and people are hurrying on their way to wherever they're going. One father stops as the little girl tugs his hand, pointing to the Zoo that they're passing. The animals are restless, sending a chorus of sound out over the area and of course, the little girl wants to go visit.

As the father tugs on her hand to try to get them moving, he's confronted by a 'tear' in the air about 12 feet in front of him. It's 7 feet tall, starting as just a slash but slowly widens, showing the glimpse of a paradise beyond.

That's all there's time to see, as enormous horses with steam billowing from their nostrils charge through the breach and out onto the path - the father stands there frozen in place as they bear down on him and his girl. The riders are enormous with single eyes in their heads and deformed bodies - they're brandishing clubs and axes as they let out a bellow.

*Behind* those, three armoured knights appear - clearly intent on chasing those other down. Who are the good guys? It's hard to say - what is clear is that the public is in danger.

Tigra heard it from a friend, who heard it from a friend, who heard from another that something's messing around with reality. Or at least the barriers between realities. She knows enough about magic to know that This is a Bad Thing, and so she's been on the alert and ready to go when the call came in. She's not there to see the rip in reality form, but she's there to see something emerge, followed by someting looking more chivalric. Seeing the charge towards the father and child, she tears up the turf in the Park as she dashes forward to scoop the two up, one in each arm. "Let's go, let's go. gawk at the Firbolg later," she urges.

Just the fact of a dimensional rift opening up in a coffee shop would have been enough to alert Peter Parker to the fact that weird stuff was happening in the Big Apple. Getting an actual message from Zatanna herself was basically just engraving the invitation for Spider-Man to keep a closer eye on things, and especially for *certain* things.

Fortunately, Spidey has a certain knack for being in the right place at the right time to do some good - and while he's not the closest one to the endangered father-daughter pair, Tigra *is* and makes a fast, decisive move to get the civilians out of harm's way. In case that's not quite decisive *enough*, though …

"Alley-oop!" shouts the wall-crawler in red and blue as he curves his path through the air, web-line anchored to a lamppost to keep him moving along part of a circle. It wouldn't be hard to widen that circle enough to try and kick a horse, or a cyclops, in the face - but these guys are *big* and he can't count on physics playing to his favor. Instead, as he's swinging past, he reaches out and webs the leftmost horse's - are they even wearing bridles? If not, it's getting a faceful of webbing straight on its coat - and continues across the cyclopes' path to the right, trying to yank the first horse and rider into the paths of the other two pairs.

Her patrols kept her not too far from Spider-Man at all times; Spider-Girl is only six blocks away when the proverbial magical poo hits the muggle fan. "Ay, caramba!" she exclaims over the Spider-Comm, and immediately diverts her web-slinging to make for Central Park. Arana the drone is following closely behind, but Anya is swinging one-handed; her left hand is madly dashing commands into her suit's systems, alerting police while also hacking into the MTA systems.

Traffic lights go red on all sides, promptly shutting down traffic. In the subway tunnels, trains begin grinding to a halt in a 20-block radius, much to the chagrin of those stuck inside those dirty, smelly trains.

"Don't tell anyone I did that," she smugly reports over the network. "I'm on your tail, Spidey, please save some baddies for me, yeah?"

Greer is likely to be a little surprised when the two are *whisked* away before she can get there. Not that it matters, people are scattering everywhere - and she finds it easier enough to scoop the next two people up and carry them to safety. They stutter and stammer and look at the cat woman "Firbolgs?" They don't think to say 'thanks' at the moment. "Watch out!"

As Spider-Man swings in, one of those beasts gets a face full of web to be sure. His momentum pulls its head and thus its direction into a group of others - two of those 'horses' veer from their path and come down thundering down on Tigra.

This is what Anya sees as she swings on in - the traffic is much easier to deal with now … sort of.

Some several feet away from this, a tall dark haired woman in black leather trousers and a white bustier style top appears - joining another group of WAND agents. Her attention is focussed on the tear in reality and she's going to need the cover so others don't try to stop her.

If not these civilians, than others, Tigra's ready and willing to catch and save any that need it. "Might be firbolgs. Might be somethin' else," she says rapidly before heading back towards the action. They're certainly ugly enough to be firbolg, and they certainly seem dangerous, but is everything how it seems? "Spider-Man!" she calls out to the webslinger, crouching as beasts charge her. "Try to keep them separated!" She stands her ground only a moment longer before leaping into the air and into a flip, trying to land an overhead kick on a horse's rider.

"Can't say what I didn't see, Spider-Girl," Spider-Man replies more breezily than he feels - especially when he realizes Tigra is now in the riders' path. "Plenty to go around, too - hey Tigra, sorry!"

The web-line is released, allowing the mounted marauders to separate as they see fit, and Spidey winds up roughly between their cluster and the WAND agents headed up by Zatanna. If it weren't for the threat thundering along, he'd be awfully tempted to watch the magic types do their thing …

Ah well. Business before pleasure.

"Do firbolgs usually only have one eye each?" he asks Tigra, somersaulting up to another lamppost (and idly sticking a camera where it can capture photos of the fight, then diving down to try and knock a cyclops out of its saddle with a powerful tackle. Letting them stay mounted *might* be safer - who knows what the steeds will do, left to their own devices? - but *being* mounted is a heck of a force multiplier, just ask any equestrian police officer, so down they'd better come. If they can.

And yes, keeping them separated DOES sound like a good idea.

"Holy —" Anya has the decency to choke down the vulgarity that was about to spew forth. This is ugly! And Zee said they would be strong, whatever… whatever they are.

"Arana, evacuar innocentes!" The command in Spanish is given; the spider-drone immediately starts flying toward pockets of fleeing citizens, a friendly voice making announcements over her speakers. Please follow me in a safe and orderly fashion. The drone repeats this language, strobes flashing, as it attempts to lead folks to safety.

As for Spider-Girl… well. Zee did say they were tough. Means she's got to toughen up.

With a growl, the young woman in black and white suddenly undergoes a transformation of sorts; across her back, there is a flare of white light in the shape of a spider, a magical incarnation in and of itself. The arcane forms a shell around her; a hideous, terrifying, armored monstrosity that seems likely to have found its home in an arachnophobe's worst nightmare. The creature that once was Spider-Girl lands on the ground with a thunderous crunch of armored claw against earth. With Tigra and Spider-Man splitting up the riders, her large, bulbous bug-eyes turn to the armored knights.

She charges, quietly hoping that her armored form will be strong enough to face off against that armor. Otherwise… this is gonna hurt. A lot.

Watching the magic users is actually quite boring, which Peter might be able to find out later. It's not show magic like Zatanna does when she performs. It's slightly pretty as lights flicker and such but for the most part it's a lot of mumbling and intricate gestures.

Spider-Girl manages to barrel into the Knight - just as he's swinging at a Formorian to turn its attack on an innocent. His armour is plate, nice and sturdy and well made - her carapace … meets its match. THUD or is it CLANG? Either way, it's body numbing and the Knight looks down stunned at the Spider. "Ye gods what are you…" Which gives the Formorian behind time to leap at the pair - its club swinging right for Spider-Girls head.

Tigra, is of course right - Firbolgs and Formorians are very similar. Her overhead kick taks the rider by surprise, managing to knock it off balance, but not off. It flails its axe, trying hit the cat woman - like one might swat at a gnat.

Spider-Man taking one from its mount, he finds himself in the dilemma of what to do with said mount. Let it run rampant or try to calm it … these are beasts of creatures themselves.

"A nightmare," Spider-Girl answers. She may not have the spider sense, but she does have Arana; the drone feeds things to her HUD in any combat situation, and a big red alert flashes! Her legs split to either side (the gymnast in her is alive and well, armor or not!), and she goes down.

Twin, black weblines shoot upward from claw like hands pressed together. The weblines slap hold of the swing club, and with a great cry, Anya yanks the club around, hopefully throwing the Formorian off balance, and if she does this right, aims the swinging club all ten way around to the Knight's chin.

"Sometimes!" Tigra says on the subject of having one eye, as she squirms away from the axe, while trying to stay atop the giant's horse with him. It's probably a good thing that she can't say more at the moment. Talking about how firbolgs are generally just misshapen is probably not something to say near one such presumed firbolgian gentleman, whilst he's trying to separate her head from her shoulders. No reason to encourage the fellow. She tries to climb up the beast's back, thinking it'll be harder to reach her there. "Might not be the bad guys, though."

One rider down, if not entirely out, and one horse - or at least a stunningly horse-like beast - which is not going to simply stand around and wait, it seems to Spider-Man. "Letting it run rampant" is DEFINITELY not a good idea - it could go in literally any direction, from running roughshod over gawking civilians to plunging straight into the magic users' club meeting, which would be *worse*.

Spider-Man times his leap perfectly, vaulting into the air and landing on the beast's vacant saddle (or where a saddle would be); he tenses his feet to help hold on, then thwips a pair of thick web-lines to attach where a bridle ought to be fastened. Then he hauls back on them, "Whooooa there, Silver! Just gotta borrow you for a sec', there, pardner …"

Yep. Complete with hokey Wild Western cowboy-ranger accent and everything, so much so that he *sounds* like he should have one of those ten-gallon hats perched atop his masked visage.

Anya's acrobatics cause the Knight to blink - though that's difficult to see through the visor. The weblines latch hold, the Formorian is spun and the club connects …. clock … to the Knights chin. Just as Anya hears one of the WAND agents - the one with the cycle that just turned into a horse - Ho, Sir Tristan! Is that you?

Is the Knight known to SHIELD? Oh uh.

The Knight slides to the ground as the Formorian spins. The Knight is out. The Fomorian is not and it doesn't like that spider-thing at all!

Tigra shows exceptional balance - what's the use of a being cat-woman if you can't climb on things? - and manages to perch on the Formorians back just as it raises its axe and brings down over his head. No one said the Formorians were particularly clever - the axe splits his own skull. Right in front of where Tigra is standing. Now the dying figure wobbles in place before slowly crashing to the ground.

Spider-Man could probably have been in a Rob Roy show with the expertise he demonstrates in controlling that beast. OK, not controlling but the red and blue suited hero holds his balance and manages to guide the horse away from civilians. It's a little bit before he gets it under control - just in time for a huge club to hurtle through the air at his face.

Uhm. Oops. Also, uhm, eww. Tigra was not trying to get the formorian to demonstrate the folly of cutting one's nose to spite one's face, and the fact that the creature cut its own head actually leaves her speechless for a moment. This is not something that happens often. She watches the bloody mess fall off its mount and only then remembers, right, she's on this mount also, and tries to grab for the critter's reins or bridle. Or maybe an off switch. How do you drive one of the things, anyway?

It is entirely possible that, behind the bug-like armor covering her face, Anya is monetarily staring at Spider-Man. In part because he's totally riding that magic horse like a boss; in part because MY GOD he's got the cheesiest combat lines.


The Formorian connects with Anya's head, ripping armor, bug eyes, and even a piece of her mask free. Anya staggers backward, one brown eye revealed and a shock of purple mohawk at the tip of an exposed eyebrow, proving that the brown ponytail that extends from behind her mask is likely hair extensions.

"Hey!" She flings her hand forward, sending a spray of her most adhesive webbing toward the Formorian in a wide arc of wildly twirling, black webbing. "That was not nice, pendejo!" She yanks on the webbing, hoping to snare him up, while turning her half exposed face slightly toward the WAND agent. "Do you know these goons??" she calls out.

Good reflexes and an innate danger sense cover a multitude of sins when it comes to impromptu horseback stunts like this. Given how tough the 'invaders' are, Spider-Man is … *almost* cavalier about letting his borrowed mount run a little wild over *them*, but old habits die hard - and take precedence.

Even when that club comes hurtling towards him. A piece of Spidey thinks about trying to make the steed rear up, but he settles for dropping flat against the saddle, and spinning out one more web-line to yank the club off its course. Not reeling it back towards him, if he can help it, just yoinking away its lateral momentum so it'll fall to the ground.

For now, he wheels his borrowed mount about and addresses one of the remaining knights. "Dare a hero ask what brings your sterling courage to these lands that are not your own?" At least he's not still talking like a cowboy … but any fan of old Arthurian cinema would probably be facepalming right about now.

"Spider-Girl" A SHIELD agent manages to communicate with the woman. "The tear is almost closed and we're transporting our visitors …. home." They just have to hold on a little longer.

The Knight that Spider-Man addresses actually seems to be a squire in the same livery as the Knight. "We were hunting in Avalon when the tear opened up and the Fomorians went through. We couldn't let them get away." It's a tinny voice, mostly because of the helm the Squire is wearing.

The Squire ducks as well, as the Formorian club hurtles past them. Not that he needed to, Spider-Man snags it and sends it veering off harmlessly.

Then he disappears … just as the others who don't belong do as well.

Things are about to get interesting for Tigra as the horse gallops around until she grabs the reins. She'll get the update from SHIELD just before … the horse disappears from under her … oops.

As Anya webs her attacker, it stops the lateral movement for sure. The Fomorian flails and … the web goes slack as they're dismissed back to when they came.

Right, right. Reins, not handlebars. And this thing doesn't have a clutch, got to remember that. All wheel drive, though, that's impressive. Tigra is jsut starting to think that maybe she can stop this thing short of jumping off and slugging it, when it just stops. Existing, that is. She almost seems to hang in mid air for a moment before dropping to the ground, but fortunately the cat landing on its feet thing is a reflex, and she manages to land up right, if a bit less gracefully than normal. "Well."

SHIELD's message is automatically relayed to Spider-Man as well, and Anya grimaces. "Oh, uh, yeah sure," she replies to SHIELD, while wrestling with the webbing. "I don't kick them when they're down, anyw-"

She suddenly staggered forward when the webbing goes slack, managing to catch herself before falling. "Whoa!" she exclaims, followed by a very very naughty word in her native language. "Mierda!"

The webbing is promptly dropped, and the outer shell drops away from her body like so many pieces of broken carapace. She backs away, looks around, and flashes a look between Tigra and Spider-Man.

"That might'a been the weirdest fight ever," she tells them.

"Good to know," Spider-Man chimes in at the relayed heads-up from the agent. He's still caught a little by surprise when the horse (or horse-like beast, anyway) vanishes from underneath him, but he sticks the landing like a seasoned professiona, then straightens back up. "Everyone okay?" he asks, giving Spider-Girl a particularly focused look. He might not have had the leisure to focus on her when she took that hit to the noggin, and it may be a profound relief that she didn't get a concussion for her trouble, but he *is* still concerned about his ally. Or rather, allies - both Spider-Girl and Tigra.

"Weirdest ever?" he adds, a bit of a smirk in his voice. "Try keeping advanced attack robots from murdering a blind busker for no obvious reason." Granted, that particular fight wasn't *that* weird, but the set-up was very high on the 'Spider Has Questions'-o-meter.

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