Summary:After Astryd's lose of good judgement, she and Fenris speak. Log Info:Storyteller: None |
Related LogsTheme SongNone |
  |
It's much much later on the outskirts in Patna when Astryd returns to the rooms they have taken. Or room, with access to the hot springs outside. She still doesn't have her sword, that's with Fenris, which means she's carrying the 'basket' to the clip she normally wears.
The blonde looks out towards the springs and decides against them, at least for the moment.
Fenris will be back at some point and she is sure he'll have words for her.
Instead, she goes to stand by the window and look out into the night. It puts her back to the door, but she trusts her senses to tell if something is going to wrong.
There is nothing wrong that is not and has not been already wrong. She does sense when Fenris approaches and she does feel it when he pushes the door open. It's the rush of cool air more than anything else. Even here in the jungle it is winter, and it is cold.
Fenris doesn't say anything at first. He steps inside and lays her sword down on the bed. His own is long since vanished back to where he usually hides it. She can feel him looking at the back of her head. He hasn't said anything. He's waiting to see if she will first.
Astryd's shoulders tense as the door opens. She shivers as the icy breeze brushes over her, closing her eyes as she feels her Lord looking at her. It's hard not to feel his regard, his disappointment in her.
Maybe that's her disappointment that's echoing actually. It's hard to tell.
"What is my punishment to be?" She says after the longest of moments. "Am I to be banished from your side?"
Even now, with the pain that thought brings, her voice is steady and low hiding the stress that she's feeling.
There's another long drawn out pause. Fenris' steps withdraw a short distance and the door shuts behind them, cutting off the cool air. Then she hears him draw in a breath and sigh. "No."
Footsteps close with her but stop short of her. She can see his reflection in the window she's staring out of, over her shoulder.
"What were you thinking Raven? You could have started a war between Asgard and the Brahmins. You could have started Ragnarok."
Astryd swallows, her pale drawn face looking back at her in the window, and she meets Fenris' eyes in the reflection. "What will you do with me then?"
It's clear she feels something should be done.
"I … wanted to stop his assault. To protect you. To stop them all from pushing your destiny on you." It's not a good answer but it's all she has. For the first time in a very long time, Fenris sees his Ravens eye sparkle with unshed tears.
"He attacked us. They attacked us. They knew what they doing and they didn't care if they started a war."
There's likely more to it than that, but it's an honest answer and freely given.
"Yes. But he is quite possibly out of his mind and it STILL would have caused a war." Or could have caused a war. Fenris isn't really affiliated with the Aesir but that doesn't mean the Brahmin wouldn't seize upon the opportunity if it suited their purpose or if they were sufficiently angry.
"I don't expect my enemies to care if they start Ragnarok. I DO expect my friends to do so." The Old Wolf lets that hang there for a long moment before he shakes his head.
"I don't know, Astryd. What do you think I should do with you?"
When Fenris uses the word 'friend' it's like Fenris has hit her. Not consort. Not lover. Not companion. Friend. She deserves it though, she knows that.
"You should take my weapons and bind me. Lock me away where I can never cause harm." He can't have her near him, can he? Not if she's likely to do that.
But does it make any better?
"I wanted us free of the cycle, Fenris. You free of the cycle. I … " she shakes her head not continuing. The curse is having an effect, but it's working on a deep seat desire of the blonde.
"Perhaps you should give me to someone else."
"You cannot free me by starting the very conflict we are trying to avoid." Fenris says, a bit of edge to his voice. He folds his arms behind her and watches her reactions, having some idea of what emotions are playing behind her eyes.
"Gurim wants to be free of the cycle too. But he will destroy this world and everything in it if he has his way. The loom of fate cannot be shattered from here on earth. You know that, Astryd." The Old Wolf sighs.
"We need to remove that curse from you. And we need to do it now. I want you to call in any favor you can that you think will do the job. And no arguing with me. You ARE cursed and you are not acting normally or even at this point rationally. The only reason I haven't sent you somewhere to cool off for a couple of decades is because I cannot trust you to do that right now. Not with the curse gnawing at the back of your mind."
The blonde flinches at the mention of Fenris' son. Her jaw setting, eyes directly ahead no longer meeting his.
"I will then, if that is your order." Astryd answers quietly. The hurt and heartbreak shows so clearly on her face. Not his companion, not at this moment and he doesn't trust her.
And he'd send her away for decades.
"Shall I go now then and find this help that I need?"
Fenris turns and goes to sit down on the bed. His gaze drops and he is silent again. That silence stretches and fills the room. He's… sad. Disappointed yes. A bit upset. But sad more than anything else. This conversation is not easy for either of them. They've been through a lot together and nothing like this has ever happened before.
"No. I need you here right now." He says finally, looking up. Reaching back he picks up her sword and fidgets with it a little bit. "Until Kali is dealt with and Ambrose's amulet secured things are incredibly precarious."
"Then had better bleed me…" Astryd sighs, turning to look at her partner, cut at the look on his face. "I know I messed up, my heart. I … " she shakes her head and holds out the basket of the hair pin she's holding. "You should have this as well."
"It's … not easy. Knowing these are your children we're dealing with." His children to another supernatural being. "I would that they were someone elses so I wasn't reminded of what you and I can never have."
Fenris shakes his head and instead reverses her sword and hands it back to her. He isn't going to keep it from her, he trusts her at least enough to have it and he knows she needs it. "I will. Tonight, before we do anything else." It'll leave her slower and weaker but more clear headed, he thinks.
"It isn't easy for me either. Luna was the first being I really tried to have anything more than a temporary relationship with and when it was torn apart, it wounded both of us badly." This is why Fenris has never spoken to, or of, Luna since. And why he did not try to track down his errant children.
It will leave less … brash … which is something they need. They need her back to her usual level headed self.
When Fenris offers her sword to her, Astryd steps back and watches him before taking it from him with care. "Thank you, my heart." The sword transforms to the pin and the Valkyr fits it to the basket.
Instead of replacing it in her hair though, she puts it on the table and moves cautiously towards Fenris, to kneel at his feet and put her head on his lap. "You have my heart and my loyalty, Fenris."
She's quiet as he speaks on Luna. She doesn't want to push but Kamduis had said some interesting things. "What did your daughter mean that she stood between her mother and you, Fenris?" Astryd hadn't told Fenris much of her conversation with the Ur wolf.
Fenris smiles and leans down to hug Astryd. "I know I do." He murmurs quietly.
The next question she asks is a difficult one to answer. And it takes Fenris a little bit of time to get the words out. "She means it literally. She stood between Luna and the fight while the fight was happening." With Fenris fighting three of his own children it must have been ferocious. Especially inside what sounds like the confines of a home. A pocket dimension possibly, but a home all the same and it cannot have been large.
"Kamduis thought that the raging fight might hurt Luna, I suppose."
For the first time since she's stepped in the room, Astryd relaxes a little. Fenris might note that she doesn't ask for forgiveness or make excuses.
She's thoughtful when Fenris gives her that explanation. "I accused her of not assisting you - given how much she seemed … to … protect you. That got a response of me being called a Birb but she said she stood between you and her mother. Maybe she was afraid you might hurt Luna or maybe there was something else there."
"Perhaps she was. That was the first and last time the family openly fought and I do not know what Gurim and the others were whispering to her. Of the other six, five of them stood aside or pleaded for the fighting to stop, and only one fought with me. It was… not an easy time. For anyone."
Fenris shakes his head. "The question is what Kamduis is doing here. Is she involved with her brother or does she have her own ends?" And if she does, will they know in time or must they suspect her just to be safe?
"Who fought with you, Fenris?" Astryd murmurs, leaving her head on his knee as they talk. He hasn't spoken of that time and Astryd hasn't pressed. Until now, it had been of little matter.
"Kamduis has her own ends, my heart. She said as much when we spoke. I might be reading more into it, but she's following her brothers - in hope that she can benefit from their doings."
Astryd doesn't know what those ends are but she suspects it has something to do with deification or near to it. Perhaps.
"Kamduis was … hurt … I think, you never sought her out. Were you close to her?"
"Junior." Fenris murmurs and then shakes his head. "Fenris Ur. The Destroyer Wolf. My second born." Junior, eh? Probably not the word that they actually used at the time because that wasn't a term in common use at the time. That time being more than two thousand years ago.
"We were close, yes. I haven't had many daughters and she was my first. I taught her a great deal about what I am and what that meant. She was a bit closer to me than her mother."
Which makes it interesting then that Kamduis chose to stand between Fenris and Luna and not aid Fenris directly.
There's a joke in there somewhere, but it's not the time for levity. Maybe later. "Junior. Your namesake." Astryd sighs, the melancholy returning as the God Wolf talks of his children. She's thoughtful though about Kamduis.
"That's … what I'm talking about. I got this sense from her. She was most upset when I accused of not standing with you. It's something I would recognise, my heart, even flawed as I am."
Another moment of silence before … "I … want to go and visit Luna."
"You'll have to find her first. I haven't seen her since our home together was destroyed. I hear that she has interacted with my children's bloodlines before. That could be why so many wolfmen seem to have ties to the moon. But I've never heard of a good location for her, nor has she reached out to me in all the time since."
Which might seem odd. Indeed it may actually be odd but the destruction of that family was clearly traumatic. Some of the kids tried to kill the father and their home was destroyed in the process. Whatever went wrong there went very wrong. Perhaps the two 'adults' saw no reason to try to repeat things after that.
Or perhaps they'd both been influenced. Astryd frowns. "You're not going to tell me I can't seek her out?" There's also Kammduis to speak to. Not that Astryd wants to be called a birb again.
"I know you're not the not the most … familial of gods, my heart, but you are loyal and you have a very strong sense of what's yours. A family of yours was devestated by that fight and neither you nor the mother tried to address it."
There's something wrong there but Astryd can't put her finger on it.
"I was thinking of taking advantage of the hot springs… "
"No, but I do need you here right now so it will have to wait." At the moment the pressing concern is Kali and what was done to her and what that might mean. Also Ganesh but at least they have him on ice, not that they can keep it that way. But right now he's contained and isn't a problem.
"I think the hot springs are a good idea. Shall we then?" And after he can get some dinner because he IS rather hungry. But not so hungry that he doesn't want to relax first.
"I am yours to command, God Wolf." Astryd is his Raven after all.
"I will have food ready for when we return from there. We need to keep your strength up." The blonde rises and holds out a hand. "Did you get much out of Ganesh before you returned here?"
They can talk on their way to the springs.
"No, he is still out and Sif and I kept him that way. We need to have a better idea what we are going to do with him before we wake him, which is why I wanted Ambrose to pin down Rachana and ask her some pointed questions." She's involved. HOW she's involved and whose side she is on he doesn't know, but she is involved and that means it is now her turn to feel the God Wolf's uncomfortable regard.
"Let us away, then." It'll be nice at the hot springs and hopefully they can go uninterrupted for a while.