2019-09-20 - Dancing With Myself

Summary:

Cassandra stops by Alex's apartment where he's been brooding

Log Info:

Storyteller: None
Date: Fri Sep 20 04:51:24 2019
Location: New York University

Related Logs

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Theme Song

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cassandra-cainphobos

From afar he is alone. There is no one else in that apartment though the evidence of their presence is there. There was to be a gathering down at the student union, 80s movies to be watched on the gigantic screen in one of the auditoriums. Tanner and Justin had asked him to come along but for the last few days Alexander hadn't wanted to do much of anything.
"What's up, dude? This ain't like you."
"Yeah, man. Was it cuz of your dad and all that? Dude called us mortals and shit. The hell?"
But the answers they gained were just gentle distractions and diversions to get them away from him and to send them off. And, reluctantly, they had headed down to watch the movies. Probably thinking nothing of it, since moodiness was in no shortage of supply amongst teenagers.
After they had gone he had taken out that black uniform with the small pink feline patch upon its shoulder. Smiling to himself he had run a finger over that small emblem, then had tossed the kevlar and leather onto the bed. A glance was given to the window. But no, nothing but clouds and the night.
His phone was checked, and no messages from the Oracle. No word from anyone. He chewed on the inside of his cheek as he walked out into the living room and settled cross-legged onto the floor in front of the television on its place of honor atop an entertainment center. The television was keyed to life and he flipped through channels… channels… more channels. Until he reached the end of it to those channels that played music, random bits from each genre, each deserving of its own channel.
Until it settled on the last one. Classical music.
The song had just started as the speakers rose. A mournful and forlorn cello? A deep toned string instrument began to play and it had such a weight of sadness to it… such sadness as it played accompanied only by soft sounds from the rest of the musical instruments in the composition. Distracting small sounds that played around that cello, but did not seem to touch it…
Alexander rose to his feet as the song played, smiling a little to himself but sadly, remembering the events of the last month and some, the last few days. The mournful sound appealing to him as he slowly walked around the room. The other musical instruments rose and sank, dropping in and out of the composition…
He caught himself turning slowly, hand held out and raised as if moving at that society ball some time ago. Dancing in that formalized way he had been taught years ago. How to represent himself and his family properly. Slowly dancing to the sadness, and then… out of nowhere…
A violin joined, happy and unique and bright. Weaving in and out with the mournful cello. Causing Alexander to stop and bark a small laugh that caused his eyes to water with the rush of emotion. But he kept moving slowly with the music as it played.


Alexander might want to argue that Cassandra's name should be 'ghost', the way she disappeared when he was sleeping that night and he hasn't been able to find her since. Perhaps, if he asked Oracle, she might tell him something but then what would he do? He made his intention clear to her already. She knows how he feels. Right?

While he hasn't been able to find her, that doesn't mean she hasn't been nearby. He just isn't good enough to ferret her out when she wants to go unseen, which she has been. Watching Alex drift through his days has only added to her guilt. She knows he wants to see her, but of course she can't give him the answers he wants and so, she hides. Like running, she does it so very well.

As Alex starts to drift with the music, she finally closes the gap. And when that violin starts her feet touch down on the ledge just outside the living room window. She stays there, crouched, watching. She can see their first meeting again, in the way he moves.

She's not trying to hide now, the headlights from below briefly outlining her profile, but she doesn't interrupt. One hand rests against the glass as she watches him, cowl and hood providing her with her own personal set of shadows, even when outlined in light.


His own eyes are closed as he moves with that music, one hand uncurling as if he were conducting some element of the song that's being played, at times moving with the flow of that cello, and the smile… the smile on his face is so filled with life as he remembers her, and everything about her.
And after six minutes the song winds down slowly, peacefully, and the smile is still there. Only for his eyes to open and for her to be there. There is no shock of realization that goes through him, for in his heart and his thoughts she had already been there. But there is an increase of that warmth that reaches his bright blue eyes.
He lifts a hand and holds it up, then she'll see him mouth the word, 'hi'. Though she can't hear him say it through that window. Then he looks at his hand and realizes he was just dancing in his living room in t-shirt and shorts to a melancholy song. His cheeks blush but he steps over to the window and he pulls it open…


Cassandra Cain patiently watches, leaning her head against the glass and she can't help but echo his smile. She in the darkness and shadow, he in the light and the warmth. It's funny, really, that Phobos, God of Fear is the one cast in the Light.

As the music ends, and he finally opens his eyes and finds her, she lifts that hand away from the glass to wave at him in return. There's not much reaction that he can pick up as he blushes and she refrains from breaking into his apartment as he unlatches it from the inside and lets her in.

There's a moment of hesitation, and then she eases in. Reaching up, she touches gloved fingers to his flushed cheeks though she doesn't need to ask what it means. Then she signs to him, "« Beautiful. »"


A small laugh slips from him, though his eyes shine with a faint hint of tears which he rolls his eyes about and to the sides as if it was the stupidest thing in the world to be moved so. But he looks back to her, and lifts a hand to push her cowl back, to draw that mask off if she'll allow him. And for him to find her eyes.
Then he signs the same thing only to her. In that moment he is just so taken with it. With the music. With her. With seeing her again. That without further thought he closes his eyes and touches his lips to hers. A soft kiss given, breath shared as he holds her, and it is such an expression… of that love that he feels. That he is just lost in that moment…
Then remembers that she probably has no idea what he is doing and starts to draw back.


Cassandra Cain doesn't have a problem with Alex unmasking her, lifting a gloved hand to scrub through her hair a bit as it's freed from the cowl. It means he can see her expression when he repeats her statement. She doesn't disagree, but she does seem dubious on the matter with a faint smirk and upraised brows.

She's very still under his kiss, but doesn't pull back or push him away. She lays one hand against his chest, over his heart as she accepts his chaste statement. When he draws back, her gaze is downcast and a sigh slips free before she finally brings her gaze back up to meet his and now it holds weight. Sadness. She knows even if she could tell him why she's undeserving, he would still feel the same. But how does she tell him she doesn't know how to give him what he wants with that guilt riding her?


When she had revealed so much to him in that alleyway, when their emotions were torn and rent and twisted with the intensity of them as she struck out at him… and he held onto her, they both felt more of the other. Understood a little more of the other. At least Alexander… could tell how strongly she felt about the loss of life. More than just the ethos held by the bat family…
Hers was a personal thing that bound her, dominated her. And it spoke to him of guilt. That guilt she carried.
So when her eyes filled with such sadness and met his own. What she saw was… understanding. His hand found hers over his chest to hold it there. He placed his over hers. His smile was gentle as he took a breath and then he motioned between them and signed with one hand.
« We are the same. »
Fingertips brushed through her hair and he signed slowly. « We have been trained. »
« We have been hurt. »
« The one who trained you. The one who trained me. »
« We have hurt… » And there he stops signing, though there is one last way they are similar. He does not sign it but she can see it in his eyes. They have both killed.
And then his hand presses against her heart and he touches her hand upon his.


Cassandra Cain's expression hardens then a bit, as he says he's been hurt. And given her recent encounter with him, it's not surprising when she asks, "« Your father was the one that hurt you? »" Having *seen* Ares, she *knows* she can't take him. And yet, hearing he hurt Alex, it looks like she'd sure as hell try.

When he brings up that they've both hurt others, she can read the words unsaid. There isn't shock, but perhaps a grim acceptance. She drags her hand down in front of her face, eyes closing briefly, and then touches her chest again and shakes her head. She's seen death, Known it, in a way, and can't do so again.

And then she looks at him, and the confusion is there. The tilt of her head marks her question and she traces her fingertips under one of his eye. That look of calm acceptance. That was unexpected. And confusing.


She can see that is a thing that Alexander has difficulty with. His father. It brings all sorts of feelings and emotions and concerns. Even as he explains with a step back so he can sign to her. « Yes, he has hurt me. But… .. »
There's a look down then up as he tries to convey everything but it ends up being, « But he trained me. » As if that was the natural state of things.
A deep breath is taken as he again touches her hand as she lightly touches a fingertip under his eye. She has seen him as no one else has, as the golden creature with the gleam of red. As the youth with the warm smile meant only for her. And now she sees him as he looks way, his thoughts turned inward…
Only for him to sign to her as he looks back. « I am not good. »
He lowers his head so he doesn't look at her as he signs, « My family is not good. I am Fear. » He pauses on that word and spreads his hands as if trying to encompass something more. « My father. Rage. War. » Then himself again. « Fear. Dread. »
He turns away then and takes a few steps, and she can likely see that… negativity, not quite loathing… but the feeling that wracks one when they know that they haven't done wrong. That they likely will. Guilt of the future.


Cassandra Cain's expression is still set into a stern line as Alexander admits what Ares has done, but also accepts it. She has to glance away, though. Because she accepted what her own father did to her. It was only when he sent her to kill that she finally ran from him. "« He still hurts you. »" An angry observation.

When Alex tries to explain what he is, he can see her confusion. Mutants, metahumans, those she has some understanding of. Mostly they do unusual things, or they're strong and tough. But Gods? She knows nothing of them and so what she gets from what he's saying, while correct, doesn't seem to quite compute. How can a person *be* War? When he gestures to himself, there's a flicker of a smile. "« Alexander. »" She corrects, shaking her head. There is nothing of Fear or Dread in him to her.

Cassandra reaches out to touch his shoulder as he steps away, that guilt worrying her.


« Not badly, » He offers as a rejoinder about his father hurting him as he turns back towards her, though she can see that he knows how bad that sounds as his brow furrows with the thought of it. It's impossible to explain to her what passed for him, with his father, with the pantheons. A similar situation as hers, but not the same.
When she tells him he is merely himself he smiles a little and nods, perhaps that giving some small comfort. In some ways things are much easier in Cassandra's point of view. So he takes a breath, still worried and turned inwards, but then she touches his shoulder and he turns to look a her. One hand covers her hand and he says, "S'ok."
But then he rounds fully to face her and sign, « Maybe we are both too good for each other? » And as he signs that he sort of half-smiles, smirks. Teasing a little to make the mood lighter.


The tilt of Cassandra's head and the look in her eyes tells Alex everything he needs to know on what she thinks of *that*. "« Don't let him hurt you anymore. »" It's really more a request than a demand. She doesn't have any right to make demands of him.

Her world is definitely simpler. But it domes with large gaps in her knowledge. Concepts she has no reference for to even start understanding. She relaxes a bit at his understanding though.

There's a breath of a laugh, and the smirk she gives him says 'yeah, right'. Finally, she offers: "« Sorry. »" For what she did to him. For being MIA the past few days.


For now the talk of his father is tabled as he shakes his head and exhales a little exasperatedly, knowing that there is not much to be done on the matter. And not looking forward to the possibility of dealing with it in the future. That having been said, however, he tells her with just a quick pair of signs, « I'll try. »
But then there's the apology and he waves it off at first, clearly not thinking she needs to apologize to him, but then he says with a small smile, « I forgive you. » And at that he'll brush fingertips through her hair again. Just a small caress before he gestures towards his suit. "Gimme a sec." And if she'll wait he'll go get ready.


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