Summary:Roy and Kelly talk over the recent excitement in their lives. Log Info:Storyteller: None |
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It's been a stressful week. And it's Tuesday.
Admittedly, the weekend was less weekendy than usual as Kelly got to go on her first mission. Which resulted in Jemma Simmons getting infected with a bio weapon and putting her affairs in order. Sure, the objective was completed, but how do you *not* feel like a failure when something like that happens? And then the SHIELD docs managed a Hail Mary and saved Jemma's life, but is it going to be a life that Jemma *wants*? And what about the way Kelly's taken advantage of Roy's brain recently? All of that internal stress plus Roy's own stress has been rattling around in Kelly's head and it's like the mental equivalent of someone pacing.
It might be a little distracting.
Kelly is in her lab, watching data crunch but not really seeing it. She doesn't need most of the monitors in here, but it's often easier if she *can* use them even if she doesn't *need* to use them. Her shiny new SHIELD field gear is sitting on a table, the uniform back from being cleaned from the AIM op, ready to get packed up for Afghanistan.
It is a lot of stress. And it's probably a good thing that there's a lack of alcohol in Kelly's apartment, or Roy would have had at it already. He's been co-opted, hijacked, used as a safe space, and who knows what else Kelly decided shove down in the depths of his mind like some kind of portable harddrive.
He was trying to concentrate on his own thoughts, but he can feel her pacing in his mind - though to him, it's more like she's doing laps in his subconscious. Closing his eyes from where he is, in the map room, he draws in a breath and tries to remember what Kelly taught him. Relax. Slowly let it come to him.
"« K-kelly? »" it's a tenative connection. But it's his first attempt at coming over to her side of the link that isn't an emergency.
Kelly Dehaven still isn't entirely used to having other *people* in her head. Computers, sure. One of the reasons she's so good at running complex algorithms is her ability to off-load a lot of that work to the systems she's connected to. But they don't tend to talk to her, so when Roy does reach out, he can feel that moment of surprise, like a '!' in his head. It's followed by warmth. Maybe some underpinnings of guilt. "« Hey there. »" Then there's a sharp shift of alarm. Worry. "« Is something wrong? I can be there in a minute! »" The redhead is already starting to scramble off of her stool, grabbing her tablet, pinging his location off of his arm…
He's still in the map room. He's not left. "« No. Nothing wrong. »" Roy sounds a little guilty himself as he does a mental breath. It feels a little weird to him still - a little headachy. But he feels her warmth and accepts it as easily as he would accept her kiss if they were in the same room. "« Just wanted to ping you. Is that the right term? »" comes the curious question.
"« Know it's been a rough couple of days. Jemma's a friend of yours. I mean, not like me. I was just a slab of meat when SHIELD brought me to you. »" Okay, so maybe it was a poor attempt at humor.
Kelly Dehaven breathes a sigh of relief, and there's some embarrassment there from jumping to conclusions. As she gets her pulse under control, she decides to head Roy's way anyhow. Now that she's talking to him, she could use a hug. Not something she was used to getting very often, pre-Roy.
"« Kelly is alive! »" She belatedly realizes that Roy doesn't really have the background to appreciate that joke and he can almost see her shaking her head and waving it off dismissively. "« Nevermind. Yes. 'Ping' is the right word. »" She assures him. "« And Jemma is a co-worker, and a superior, but 'Friend' might be presumptuous. »" Though perhaps more appropriate after having gone diving in the biochem's head. "« And you were *never* a slab of meat. »" There's a pause, amusement bubbling up. "« You were quite a surly patient, though. »" She acknowledges.
"« And yes, it's been a lot of… excitement for me. And how about you? »" Kelly worries her lower lip as she makes her way through the maze of SHIELD corridors towards Roy. "« I've asked a lot of you, lately. »" There's a pause. "« Well, 'asked' presumes I actually posed a question. »" Which she didn't.
"« Look. You've seen some.. well, you've seen some bad shit from me, Kelly. »" Roy admits quietly, as he feels her presence, and they discuss things. He's unaware of Kelly approaching where he's at, and he rolls his eyes. "« I think you may need to update your friends facebook status with Jemma after being in her brainmeat, eh? »" he asks with a hint of amusement.
"« Yeah. Exciting. »" there's a pause there, Kelly can feel the uncertainity on him. "« I'm not used to this. I mean, I was on my own for a long time. »" Almost all of Lian's life, really. And he closes his eyes. "« I'm not trying to push you out. The opposite really. I'm just.. »"
There's another one of those pauses, and he considers. "« I mean, I didn't exactly ask to move into your home. Share your bed. Or you know… »"
His voice is much quieter, "« …fall for you. »" He didn't want to admit it. There whole dynamic wa confusing, but the intimacy of having her there. In his head. A constant presence. And her physically, in her psychology sense, she probably should have expected Roy to fall in love with her at some point. But at least it doesn't feel like Stockholm Syndrome? He doesn't have that clingy feel. Just, a natural progression, even if it's a leap past 'dating'.
Kelly Dehaven kindasortareally sucked at 'dating' anyhow. And clearly continues to, since they didn't even seem to manage it.
There's a chuckle that Roy feels in his chest, and then hears as Kelly comes into the room. "Well, I'd say the same for you too then, hmm?" Since she drug Roy into Jemma's head as well.
Her amusement shifts towards seriousness. Quiet concern. "I know you're still dealing with a lot of stuff, Roy. And I won't pretend some of it isn't frightening, or heartbreaking. But I don't give up on things just because they're hard." There's only a brief moment and then she corrects herself, trying to do so before Roy comes in with one of his patented Inappropriate Comments. "Difficult! I don't give up just because something is difficult." Or someONE. Certainly, Roy was difficult to start with.
The examples of things Roy 'didn't ask' about gets Kelly pressing her lips into a thin line. "I could have prevented a few of those." She points out. Which might have affected the last. "But what I've been doing…" She shakes her head. "I can't even say I wouldn't have done it, given another chance, so saying 'sorry' feels like a lie." She admits.
"I wasn't really looking for a sorry, Kelly." Roy admits quietly. Reaching up, he touches the cuff on his ear. A physical connection to her - yes, there's that deeper one in the base of his neck, but this one is easier to reach.
"Either one of us could have said no. I.. well." He pauses, does she feel closer? He doesn't quite have that grasp yet.
And he doesn't make the Inappropriate Comment this time. There's just a quiet. He's not sure what to say, and his heart's trying to guard itself, while exposing itself at the same time, partway expecting Kelly to go too much, too soon.
Kelly Dehaven closes the distance over to him, reaching out to place her hand over his with a faint smile. "I know you weren't. It doesn't mean you don't deserve one." She points out. "If it helps, I couldn't have managed without you. Both at the AIM facility and in dealing with Jemma."
When Roy reaches up to brush that piece of her, Kelly gives makes a contented sound and steps closer to lean her head on his shoulder. That's followed by a small sigh. "I'm not a psychologist, but I've got enough background in it to feel like I'm taking terrible advantage of you." Now that she's seen how quickly, how deeply he can fall. The Right thing to do would be to give him the time to find himself. Be a whole person on his own, without tangling him up with another person. *Especially* one that can blur the lines between them.
"Is it taking advantage of me if I've given you my express permission?" Roy asks as he opens his fingers to tangle with hers, and his other arm slides around her waist to hold her. She's not getting away. Not easily.
"Unless you've come down here to give me the Dear John speech in person?" he asks. He seems always braced for the worst case scenario. As if he doesn't deserve anything good in his life. He doesn't deserve Kelly.
"From a psych standpoint? Perhaps *especially* so." An almost bitter humor tinges Kelly's words. "And that would be pretty cruel to hug you and then tell you I'm ditching you." She points out before shaking her head. "The mark of a great person would be to let you go so you can become a better, stronger, whole person." She goes up on her toes to steal a quick peck of a kiss. "Guess I'm just a good person." She leans in to kiss him again, a bit longer this time. "Well, I'm alright." The outside edges of her eyes crinkle with her amusement.
"Seriously though, how are you… dealing with things? I've been sticking things in you you're just not used to." In his mind. His MIND.
"Look, if you want, you could record the Super Bowl without the express written consent of the National Football League and shove that in my head, and I'd still want you… actually. If I'm only using ten percent - okay for me about five percent of my brain - think you can fill the rest of it with porn?" Roy asks, a wiggle of his brows at her before he kisses her back, and his hand moves to play in her hair and hold the back of her skull to keep her close to him.
"It's weird. It's like it's there, but you have the unlock key, so it's like 'You shall not pass' or something when it comes to you doing that to me." Roy admits with a smirk. "And I have the feeling you gave Jemma the same access. But I don't think she saw my 'Kelly' thoughts." He winks.
"What about The Nutcracker?" Kelly asks with wide, innocent eyes. Except he could tell she's teasing even if he couldn't feel it tickling a the back of his head. There's also some song that goes with that joke that flits through her mind, so it wasn't intended as any sort of knock to his… equipment.
The smile that follows is thankful, though still concerned. "I was just… focused on the objective. Focused on making sure Jemma was safe, and I used you as a resource. At AIM, with the pain… I knew you could deal with it." And that bothers her a bit. Because it didn't *hurt* him any less. "And when I needed to fight what that, well, whatever that mind was, I didn't see you as something or someone outside myself. You were just part of me and I committed you. And I mean, I *know* you'd give me everything you've got. But does that make it OK?" Green eyes search his, though she doesn't think she'll find an answer there. Well, not an objective answer.
There's a flicker of a smile about Jemma. "I want to monitor her for a bit, but I'm trying to keep her a uh, bit more separated."
"I was about to say, if my nuts are crackes, it's your fault." Roy points to Kelly coyly as he considers her words. "Well.. if you're committed to me. Why don't we make this official?" he asks her with a lift of his brow. And of course, he's going to leave that hanging there to make Kelly figure out what he means.
Kelly Dehaven purses her lips as she tries not to smile at him, making those dimples spring up briefly before he asks the question. Her gaze narrows on him, since he's being purposefully obtuse. "You want us to update our Facebook status?"
"Yeah, I think that would be a good start." Roy responds with a grin. "I mean, you've put a ring on it. And in it." he points out to her with a wink as he pulls her in to steal another kiss from her before he pulls back. "What do you think. Wanna go official?"
Kelly Dehaven doesn't actually have a Facebook page… she's heard of it though! She does have a LinkedIn. Not that she posts much. 'Today I <redacted> at <redacted> for <redacted>!'
Kelly's fair coloring flushes as Roy points out the psisteel links she's claimed him with, meaning he's able to steal that kiss while she's being all embarrassed and flustered. But not apologetic. She sets her chin on his chest, face upturned to look at him. "You get the fill out the paperwork." She teases, eyes smiling again, and then they soften. "Yes." She says, clearly. Definitively. Because she knows his heart is still wary. All the moreso for having already comitted.