2019-04-10 - Knitsugi Doesn't Knit All Things


Piotr brings Kitty a housewarming gift. Old wounds are opened. But are they also healed?

Log Info:

Storyteller: None
Date: Wed Apr 10 01:47:48 2019
Location: Kitty's Room - Xavier's Institue

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Kitty's things arrived, and she had spent a good while getting them unpacked and settled back into her room. Her new room, one on the staff side of things. It's just a room, and a little bigger than before. Also, fireplace! But yet something about it does feel so very different to Kitty. Like it is confirmation she has moved on from being a student here. Even if she's going to be a student at NYU.

A number of things are still left boxed, as they will be heading down to New York as soon as she finds a place there. As she works, Kitty's thoughts keep drifting back to yesterday. She really hadn't expected to run into Piotr in the first twenty minutes of being back at the school. Wasn't at all prepared for it, as it turns out. Her cheeks even blush a little bit as she remembers it. "Nothing like making a scene your first moments back," she says, letting out a sigh. "God he must hate me and think I'm still an immature kid," she says, shaking her head. Amazing how that one little misstep with Piotr could so quickly undo the feeling of being an adult that two years on her own in England had built up in her.

Actually, it's been a couple of days - time is just slow in the Kittyverse. He's had time to speak to his sister. And listen to her advice. But what to do. After a day in the city, searching in a few sections before finding what he was looking for. Arriving on the floor where the alumni and faculty live. His door is only a couple down from Kitty's. He's realized this, and it was not surely done by purpose of a staff member that was pushing the pair of them closer together.

He had walked by her door at least three times, trying to decide what to do. She could surely hear his footfalls outside of her door as he walked by; silent he was not. Pausing at his door as he starts to open it, no, he turns to pace to head for Kitty's door. But will he knock this time, or chicken out, yet again?

Clothes go in the closet. Hung up, organized by which need to be taken out and ironed rather than in her normal semi-orderly system. Toiletries go in the bathroom. Computers come out of boxes are set back to charging, happy to be on US power again so they don't have to use those funky European plugs.

Kitty glances about, pausing and saying, "Ok, time for a drink. I really need one of those mini-fridges," she says to herself as she goes over to open the door, planning to head down to the kitchen. She comes up short as she sees Piotr standing right there in front of her. "Pete," she says in surprise, her mouth falling open for a moment before the brunette quickly shuts it.

His hand up to knock on the door, or to debate knocking on the door, the sudden appearance of the brunette decides the issue for Piotr of whether or not he was going to knock. There's a nervous look as he finds himself staring at the woman. This is familiar. Another time, two years ago, on a different floor of the school. Except it was him opening the door to her. "Katya." he offers, his cheeks suddenly warm with flushed though as he considers why he was there.

This takes a good five seconds, before he remembers he has a box in his other hand.

Lifting up the plain white box wrapped up in a green bow, he presents it to the woman. "A house-warming gift?" Was it a question? Was he telling her? He's not even sure if she's staying - and now there he is, stuck for a moment.

Kitty Pryde stares at Peter as if not really noting the passage of time either while he delays in saying anything. When he finally does though it snaps her out of the fugue state she was in. The pretty brunette looks down at the offered gift-wrapped box. "That's… that's very nice of you," she tells him. She reaches out to take the offered box, looking at it as she stands there in the doorway.

Eventually she realizes she's just standing there, and Piotr in the hallway. "Um, would you like to come in? It's still a mess, I'm getting unpacked, but…" Kitty says, moving back further into the room herself, motioning for Piotr to come inside. She will shut the door behind him assuming he comes in. "This is really sweet. You didn't need to," she says, looking down at the gift box.

"I do not want to interrupt." Piotr starts to say, but something in Kitty's eyes tells him to come in, and he follows her in as he steps into the cozy room. "You have access to the fireplace. That is good." Though summer is coming, it perhaps means she's staying around? He's trying not to read too much into it as he tries not to be in the way of where the woman is unpacking.

Though there's a half-glance at the pictures to see if there's one of Kitty and a boy close together. Or acting in other couplish ways. He turns his attention back to her. "I thought it was appropriate to welcome you." he says as he glances down. Even if he's not even fresh from the airport still yet - and his stuff has much further to go.

There are a couple of new pictures mixed in with ones of the Xavier's students and X-men. A few new faces, including some men, though none of them obviously paired up with Kitty in any of them. He might or might recognize one or two of the people as being members of Excalibur.

Kitty shakes her head quickly. "You're not interrupting. I… needed to stop by anyway," she tells him. "Later, I was going to," she adds. As if she'd come to that decision rather than having it be something she was going to procrastinate out of fear for the umpteenth time again. She looks down at the box and slowly pulls the bow on it to unwrap it, and then opens it up to see what is contained inside.

Inside the box is a teapot. It was clearly broken once. In pieces. Those pieces have been put back together. There's a few cross sections of agate to fill in gaps - all of it sealed along the breaks with metal. "It is Kintgusi." Piotr tries with the pronunciation - something she can probably do better than he can.

He doesn't try to explain it further. He's not sure if he could. He's hoping that she picks up on the same meaning that he realized in his talk with his sister.

"I was told once that you cannot glue a cup back together. I found out I was wrong." he offers quietly to her.

Kitty Pryde smiles as she sees the teapot, taking it out and holding it gently as she examines it. "Yes, I've seen something like it before when I was in Japan," Kitty says, smiling and then looking up towards Piotr. She has a smile appropriate for a thoughtful gift. At least until she hears Piotr's revelation on how it came to be his choice. The smile gives way to an expression of uncertainty. One that seems to want to have hope infused to it, but something inside seems afraid to let too much of that hope run free yet.

Kitty looks down at it again, uncertain if the meaning she put to it is the one intended. Afraid to let herself hope it does. The things she'd been meaning to say to him come back to her head. Not just meaning to say. Rehearsed. Kitty swallows, looking at the teapot and struggling over whether to say them or not.

"I… I'm sorry if I made a scene at all. When I first got back," she tells him quietly, the fears that grip her heart not letting her embrace that hope. "I didn't come back expecting… anything to be different," she tells him. "I mean, you don't have to worry about me… um… I know I had a school girl crush, and… and you were really nice, handling it how you did," she tells him.

In her mental rehearsals she always said it calmly and clearly, looking Peter in the eyes. But she can't now. Afraid if she looks at him that too much will be revealed of what she still feels for him.

"It was not something.. it was nothing you should be ashamed of." Piotr responds. His hands settle in front of him, but is unsure of what to with them otherwise. She's so close, but she might as well still be at Oxford, and him in Russia, with the gulf of emotion he's feeling at the moment as he closes his blue eyes in thought.

"If I were your age, I would have said yes." he finally says. "Or if you had been older."

"I did not want to keep you tied down. You had your whole life ahead of you. I was not good for you to take flight and find what you want." There's a drawing of his breath that seems to ripple through his whole frame. He self-sacrificed. /Again/. Now she knows the truth. He gave up his heart so she could go to school.

"I said no because you had all your life ahead of you."

Kitty Pryde's heart wants to break a little bit more. She sets down the teapot on a desk, her hand just a little unsteady after she's heard Piotr. Kitty walks over to the much larger Russian to look up at him. The two years have indeed brought so many changes to her. Her face has lost some of that youthfulness. Her body has curves that it never had hinted at before.

But her eyes are the same. There is the same look in them as she had that night in his room. That look of putting herself out there despite her fear of being crushed. All of the walls she'd built up around those feelings, torn down by a few sentences from the rugged Russian man that is five years older.

And that five years still grips her heart in an icy grip. "I am older now. But so are you. I can never catch up to you," she says, Kitty biting her lip. Why did she do this? Why did she let these feelings out? She's going to be crushed again now when he concedes she's still too young for him.

And he is still that massive and gentle soul he always seemed to be from the moment that Kitty met him. And she has that same look that destroyed his heart two years ago. When he said no. "..I know that. And you still have school.. and your career.." he's trying again. And again, he's coming up short. He wants to hold on, but he's letting go.

Because that's what he thinks she wants. To have that finality so she can concentrate on her life - to find the man of her dreams. Maybe the teapot was a mistake.

"But you have grown older." he responds. "I have watched my sister go from seven to fourteen.. to now she is older than I. And she has missed so much because of it." his eyes lift to hers, a hesitation, a final step that is not yet taken. Not yet earned. "..and I do not want you to miss the same."

Kitty Pryde's lip trembles as Piotr starts listing his reasons to not be with her. The first tear rolls down the eighteen-year-old's cheek before she can turn away to hide it from him fully. Her eyes go to the mended teapot. Maybe it didn't have the meaning she had read from it, and from what Piotr had said.

The part about Illyana being older than him is totally missed as Kitty's emotions churn inside. It's happening again. She draws a trembling breath, her shoulders shuddering slightly with the movement that would normally be cleansing, but is not this time. "You… I always…" Kitty says before she trails off, unable to get the words out another time. Her arms wrap about herself as she falls quiet.

And he's made her /cry/. /Again/. It's always this way. She comes to him, heart in hand. And he wants to accept it. But he always seems to end up crushing it. And he just did it again. "Katya.. I…" he's not sure what he can say, what he can do to make this right.

He destroys things. It seems to be what it is he does the best. And now, he's done it again.

One finger reaches out. It touches her cheek, dragging up to chase away the moisture as he looks down at the woman. And then the tear drop being absorbed into his flesh. Leaning down, he presses a kiss to her cheek. Just where that the tear had left it's lonely trail. He wants more. So much more.

But she went away. She has grown up. And she's beautiful. He draws in a breath. "Katya, I.." Closing his eyes tightly. "..I did not mean…"

To hurt her? To confuse her? To confess to her? He's not even sure what it is at this moment. He had plans to come to her. To tell her how he felt - and that teapot was supposed to explain it all. And now. He has no clue whatsoever.

Kitty looks up, seeing Peter lean down towards her. For a moment she thought she saw something in his eyes. Something when he looked at her. And then he's leaning down, and Kitty's face turns up to him. And she feels him kiss her cheek.

Her eyes drop again, arms squeezing herself a little tighter. "You didn't do anything wrong. It's me. My… silly crush and… and you're such a great guy," she tells him. "You shouldn't have to put up with this from me. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for all of it," she tells him.

"Katya.. I.." Piotr says quietly, as he studies her. The way she's hugging. And pulling further away from him. He closes his eyes again. "It was a crush. And if I were younger - I would have accepted. There is a big difference in sixteen and twenty-one.. and eighteen and twenty-three." he says quietly.

"You are a wonderful. Beautiful.. you are stunning, Katya. I am sure that.. you could do better." He sucks in his breath and now he's the one hugging himself too. Because it just seems to be one of those moments. "Katya. I did not fall in love with your body. It was your mind and your heart. And I only wanted it to flourish. And to do that, I had to let it go." he says quietly, before turning to head out. And that probably did not make a damn lick of sense.

The door knob is turned and the door swings open a foot before suddenly the knob is wrenched out his hand. The door slams shut so hard that people up and down the hallway are likely to stick their heads out to see what happened.

Kitty's foot is on the door, having stomped it closed so hard it's a wonder she didn't put her foot through it.

"You… fell in love with me?" she repeats quietly. Tears rolling down her cheeks openly, but eyes lifted up to Piotr's.

The door is ripped out of his hand - he's caught off guard, otherwise, or Kitty would have never been able to have done that in the past. And now he's a trapped bear in the room with kitten. And his own confession. Piotr glances to the side as he finds his cheeks darkening, his own self-hug tightening.

"Yes." he finally manages. "But you had so much more of your life ahead of you instead of wasting it on a farmer from Russia." he comments quietly, honestly. "But you had to go. You needed more. You.. deserved more."

Does she still deserve more? In his eyes, probably. He's not earned her heart - he's only broken it. And then now.. now he's trying to mend it.

Just like the teapot.

Kitty Pryde stands with her leg out straight, extended and foot on the door still. The trained ballerina slowly brings her leg back, balance perfect as she returns the extended foot back to the ground to rest beside the other.

"You are all I've ever wanted," she tells Piotr quietly. "I don't care about the age difference. I never have."

Bringing up that difference though makes it sink back in. "But twice now you're rejected me over it," Kitty says, hanging her head, one hand moving to cover her face. Her voice starts out quiet but gets louder as she goes on. "Just tell me the truth. That's all I want. Stop making excuses about doing it because it's what I want or need. If you can't love me because I'm too young, then have the balls to just tell me that, Piotr Rasputin!" she says.

Turning to Kitty, Piotr reacts. He's usual a giant who thinks things through - but is prone to fits of momentary action when forced. And Kitty's words? They force him. He looks at that leg as it lowers, as she starts to yell at him, and then demands the answer that right now to him is the impossible question. What does he say? How can he say it?

Instead of saying anything, he steps into her personal space. That cone of intimacy is completly violated and the neutral zone is infractured as Piotr lifts Kitty to him and kisses her. His mouth meets her in the first kiss shared betwen the two, and who knows what other firsts there may be. His eyes close tightly, trembling against her in worry. Because /this/ is the truth.

But he holds Kitty there for several seconds, his mouth fully on hers - sloppy, unsure, unknowningly - but it's still a kiss.

And then he sets her down. Before there's another word said, his eyes are wide, and say /far/ more than his mouth can at the moment.

But he also uses the stunned silence to step out of the door, closing it behind him as he flees. It would almost be comical for those in the know to see the six and a half foot tall giant flee the five foot nearly nothing Jewish girl, but he does.

And probably leaves far more questions than answers.

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